It hurts our hearts to be constantly rejected by them, but we hold on out of hope that healing is possible. I would rather have you think that I’m a bad parent than have you think that my child is a monster. We may be sugar coating in an attempt to protect. Words like “rage” and “aggression” may be codes for “completely out of control for hours” and “physically violent”. Whatever we are telling you, imagine it at least ten times worse. We don’t tell you the worst because we want to protect our child’s privacy. Parents of kids with RAD don’t tell you how bad things are because they don’t trust that you would understand the reasons behind their child’s behaviour and they would rather suffer silently than have you judge them or their child.Our child’s emotional needs are often greater than the capacity we have as human beings to meet them. Our child’s hypervigilance can cause us to also become hypervigilant as we attempt to avoid any possible trigger for them. We are tired every minute of every day.They need to be in order to keep from going crazy (see #6 above). Parents of kids who have RAD are proficient detectives in their own homes.
It also puts great strain on marriages or relationships with other caregivers. This can lead to questioning of one’s sanity and second guessing facts that you know to be true. Kids who have RAD can be expert manipulators, Philadelphia lawyers and extreme triangulators.
Parents of kids who have RAD sometimes (or often) think they are losing their minds. I know that all parents second guess, but when you are parenting kids who have RAD, it borders on compulsive and it is draining. These parents second guess everything. Parents of kids with RAD carry tremendous guilt. It is a heavy burden to carry the weight of something that was done to my child by someone other than me in a time before I even met them. We know in our heads that love will not be enough to fix this, but our hearts often feel differently so we try to pour enough love into our child to replace what is missing. We realize that you are trying to help by picking them up or returning their affection, but you may be further damaging their attachment to us. 
We would appreciate if you would direct our kids back to us if they try to hug you or sit on your lap.
What you may see as “friendly” and “cute” may actually be a case of mommy (or daddy) shopping.
Children with RAD often have poor boundaries and therefore are socially indiscriminate. This dichotomy can further isolate parents as they worry that others won’t believe them if they share what the child is like at home. They are often described as “charming” and “delightful” by others when things in the home are decidedly different. Children with RAD present very differently outside the home. This is what I wish you knew about what it’s like to be parenting a child with RAD: I hope though that in sharing this, others who are parenting kids who have Reactive Attachment Disorder will maybe garner a bit more compassion and understanding from those around them who read this. I am also carefully structuring my sentences so that they speak in generalities and not about my children in particular. Because I was not prepared even though I had all the head knowledge, it’s hard to write about this knowing that no matter how carefully I choose my words, they will not be able to fully convey what living this journey is like. I had read about it, attended seminars about it, talked to other parents who were walking it, but none of that could have prepared me for the reality of it. 
Parenting children who have RAD ( Reactive Attachment Disorder) has been the single most challenging thing of my life.
0 kommentar(er)
